Breaking it down, Celiac style

As I've heard a few times now in the Celiac community "my Celiac is not your Celiac." This is the MOST true statement I've heard in a while. Like most if not all diseases they affect people differently. Some people have minimal to no symptoms, others are debilitated. From the severity of my symptoms to my test results and biopsies its clear I have a bad case of it.
In most of my Dx's over the years when there's a number set of normal ranges I've always had a result that was very evident and clear.
With my hashimoto's the normal levels are between 10-100, mine were at 22,000 (yep...didn't stutter) when I was at my worst. Then after having it for 2 years it started to affect my thyroid function. A normal persons range for thyroid levels is between 0.3-3, and it some other places dr's use 0.5-5, when I was feeling so ill and couldn't function some days after 3 months of suffering waiting for my appointment my thyroid levels were at a whopping 31! Very evident why I felt like I was dying. Hormone function truly affects everything in your body. And lastly when I was tested for celiac disease a normal person test sample can then be classified as negative, (0-20 units); weak positive, (21-30 units); or moderate to strong positive if greater than 30 units. I was at a 98. And after 6 long months on a strict GF diet, I still tested at 46 about 6 weeks ago. That was when I had to go under for a minor surgery of multiple biopsies in my esophagus, stomach, small intestines and my colon. All mere weeks after turning 27. After I got those results, it somewhat felt like my journey for answers was still so far away. They took 7 biopsies total, 4 more than planned. They found my small intestine, stomach and esophagus were covered in white blood cells and a disease called eosinophilic esophagitis along with severe redness and inflammation throughout those areas and a significant amount of damage to my small intestine. (Which I'm on 3 medications right now to try and reduce a lot of that) The only test that came up healthy was my colon. Oh yeah, go booty go! Haha... :)
My dr said this is all a complication of untreated food allergies, which means not only am I not allowed to have gluten (and wheat, barley, rye and oats) there's definitely signs that I have way more allergies I'm unaware of (awesome!! Lol, not). I have waited 5 weeks now for my appointment to see a allergist and a new nutritionist and I still have to wait until the last week in January. Doesn't even make sense when everyday feels like I've eaten gluten, when I haven't still. It's clear my levels were cut in half with a strict GF diet, but its also clear its still over 30 (48) with is too high.
This all stemmed after my pregnancy too. Weird right? And ironically these things trigger after pregnancy or during traumatic times or stressful events. After a different traumatic time in my life during 07, my Hasimoto's started. Ironic?
It seems crazy this has been my life this far, and even more crazy the way my life has always been. I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd ever have to deal with more than my rare kidney disease, never in my life. I thought that was my bad card, I thought that was the one card dealt that would affect me forever, but I was wrong. I didn't think I was invincible, but I never thought I'd truly be able to handle much more after what I did the first 10 years of my life.
Everyday I've amazed even myself the strength I've had to make it through some dark times. It's not easy, ill tell you that much. My husband has been my absolute rock and everyday I thank my lucky stars that I never settled.
Truly the last few months one of the worst side affects that my auto immune diseases cause for me (and nearly all auto immune patients, from my experience) even beyond pain is depression. That was the first symptom that was present besides extreme weight gain when my auto immune journey began and I've battled it since 07. Some weeks I'm so happy and some it just takes over. It's a constant struggle. Previously I had many coping techniques along with exercise and meditation and I successfully had my depression gone for nearly 2 1/2 without taking meds or anything. It didn't come back until I was 6 months pregnant and it was in full swing. Has been since that day in feb. 2011.
So for anyone who doesn't truly understand Celiac disease let me tell you it's not fun. It's not a fad. It's actually quite annoying beyond anything. I haven't lost weight, in fact I have gone from losing a few pounds a week and starting my GF diet at 140 that was in April of 2012, now in December 2012, I am at 155. So for all you stupid ass celebrities saying "OMG GF is soooo amazing, I've lost so much weight!!" Really?
As I said I'm still in my first year trying to live a full GF lifestyle, not just diet so its understandable its annoying at times.
I first had to start with food and drinks with Wheat, barley, oats, rye. I also was told about cross contamination and the upmost importance of this. This means basically going to a restaurant with my level of Celiac is something I HATE doing unless its in a dedicated GF kitchen, which from what I found is slim pickings outside of my house.
Cross contamination happens everywhere, toasters, pans, cutting boards, sponges, dishes, utensils, counters, etc...you get my point.
After sitting down with my GI dr and nutritionist it was brought to my attention all the places gluten likes to hide is NASTY self. Condiments, Medication (which I take 17 pills a day, half of which at this point have gluten but there's no known alternatives yet, and without my meds I will die from my kidney disease, literally), toothpaste, beauty products like makeup, shampoo and conditioner, styling products, lotion, creams, soda, cleaning products like laundry, soap and dish detergent....can you believe I'm still going? THAT IS CRAZY!!!!
I can't tell you how much money wasted I have sitting in my hall closet full? Also can I tell you how strenuous shopping is? Starring at labels, feeling confident its there's no gluten and then researching everything while in the store on my phones Internet only to find there's gluten in it. It's just NOT listed bc the FDA doesn't have strict guidelines about this genetically processed version of wheat that's proven not anything close to what our grandparents and before had eaten in their lifetime, as well as many other horrible ingredients.
Also it's annoying to switch brands and find there's gluten in one but not the other. Or the fact that I am supposed to stay clear of food and drink processed in facilities that process wheat.
I once bought a can on trader joes chick peas, love them! I bought a off brand of chick peas at Walmart weeks later, started getting sick and found out it was processed in a wheat facility. I racked my brain for days before I even questioned the can.
People don't get it either. My step mom once told someone (while she thought i wasn't listening)in my beginning stages with a Celiac DX and GF diet that I could eat an oversized cupcake on my son's first birthday "Because its ok, she cheats all the time." Huh crazy, what people DO NOT get is people with Celiac disease DO NO cheat. It is NOT an option. It's the equivalent to eating rat poison. It will kill them over time. And that is not an understatement.
Also a lot of my direct family and in laws can not remember for the life of them I can't eat certain things. And by certain things I mean the obvious like crackers, breads, pastas. Stuff like that. I don't expect them to remember everything, but I kinda wish they'd respect and care about me enough to know its the farthest thing from easy and going places to eat whether its out in public or to someone's house is more stressful than anything. It's more of a chore to me now.
People also don't understand just because you found or made something GF, it doesn't mean it's TRULY gluten free. Was your kitchen contaminated when you made that? Did you touch any gluten while you were making that? Did you cover your pans in tin foil when you made that? Probably not.
Also when being bought something, they don't understand the wheat facility factor or the "fad factor" just because a product says Gluten free it doesn't mean it is.
The FDA allows up to 20 parts ppm of gluten in food which does not mean its safe for all Celiac's. A tiny crumb from a crouton left on my salad can have me keeled over for a few days, depending on the amount, throwing up, extreme headaches, fatigue, brain fog, and without a doubt diarrhea for weeks. Don't believe me, please come stay in our guest room for a week! :)
But what the reality is the SAFEST thing for me and all Celiac's is to steal clear of ALL processed foods and stick to only fresh fruits, vegetables and homemade dishes and treats. Trust me when I say it's harder than you think.
I got myself and hubby off of most frozen processed food a few years ago and that was easy, eliminating all processed food would essentially mean cans, boxes, bags, everything under that umbrella. That is very hard to do.
The rules I've read from learning and doing the 100 days of real food challenge is if its boxed, bagged or canned it can only have 5 ingredients or less. And seriously if you can't pronounce 75% of the words, you really,probably shouldn't eat it. Take a look at the labels the next time you shove something processed down your gullet will you?
I truly believe along with genetics, environmental and food factors are what lead to my auto immune diseases. And that scares me a lot.(Since I already have 2, they feel with other symptoms I have I have another still too. I've been tested for MS, that was clear but my dr's think there's fibromyalgia, RA, and or Addison's Disease as well.)
I'm trying to teach my son and husband healthy ways to live through food as I learn myself. It's truly eye opening and I insist everyone do some research before they out stuff on their mouths, these days.

Phew...that was a long post/rant :)

Thanks for listening :)
M

I can feel the tears coming..

I think at this point I'd {almost} give anything to be more normal health wise. I can't live like this anymore and it just keeps getting worse. I know I'm lucky for the things I've gotten through and it could very well be worse. It's just very hard day to day dealing with all of these side affects and not having the answers just yet just getting sicker each week. I have 3 serious chronic conditions that are always in constant battle with each other. I have 13 drs appointments in the next 70 days I'm really hoping something happens.

I started not to feel very well last night and ended up waking up at around 1 shaking, sweating the freezing my ass off only to run to the bathroom and throw up. Happened about 4 times last night then carried into today. My head is pounding my body hurts. I'm not getting sick or anything, this same thing happened for the last two years where I'd have bouts of these symptoms everyday. That's how they found the Celiac disease. I can't get into an allergist like they've requested until jan.30....that's ridiculous. How am I supposed to live? Function when I get dizzy, faint, throw up, etc etc etc!!????

I know it could be worse, I could be in a wheelchair or have no arms. Or I could have full blown cancer. I dealt with cancer with my thyroid and it was only in the beginning stages so I was lucky. I know that can be scary.

I'm trying, I'm really trying. I just feel so awful everyday. And it's making me super depressed. I just want health, that's all I want. I'd trade it for almost anything.

What else could I have? Haha.

Well in the last year I've been DX with Celiac disease, Cervical Degenerative Disc Disease,Trochanteric Bursitis of the Hip and thigh and Eosinophilic Esophagitis on top of my already rare diseases Hyperoxaluria, and Hashimoto's. I'm kinda exhausted but my dr's think there's more wrong so I'm waiting to see a few specialists over the next few months. I truly believe my one dr was spot on with either RA, Fibromyalgia and or Addison's. I have 90% of the symptoms and its extremely commons for certain auto immune diseases to cluster. And all of those are main clinger to both of mine. Scary to think about.

You would think I'd be dead already but I've been saved 3 times now so I'm thinking I have a bigger purpose, just not sure what that is just yet :)

Although I'm now up to 17 pills a day and everyday is another challenge I'm thankful I'm here, I'm thankful for my husband and the few people who stand by me and care and most of all I'm thankful for my little smiley boy who keeps reminding me to keep going strong.

M

GF holiday green bean casserole

So my favorite time of the year is Thanksgiving, but just like any holiday green bean casserole is a holiday meal staple {at least how I grew up.} I never had to think about it last year since my DX was in late march and I hadn't realized how "gluten friendly" the recipe was till I was making it last week.
So I did what any celiac would do; I found another way around it and make it {mostly} from scratch! And let me tell you, it was amazing!! I brought it to an early holiday party and everyone actually PREFERRED the GF one over the traditional! They actually could taste the difference in soup quality and overall flavor.
I'm bias though, I think most people's cooking skills suck compared to mine :) It's been a hobby of mine for a few years now, and I really take pride in my creations and it's always made with love!
First off let me say, I've always, always hated the taste of Campbell's condensed mushroom soup. I was spoiled with delicious homemade Polish mushroom soup from my Grandma that put all others to utter shame. So I had no problem letting that one go. Also I do not and have never made green bean casserole with frozen green beans--I think it tastes gross {personal opinion} and for an extra 20 minutes you can clean, cut and boil fresh ones and turn the recipe around trifold.
Due to time I opted out of making my grandmas soup {its a 2-3 day process} to try the new GF progresso line of soup to cook with. I've tried the mushroom soup by itself as a meal and I personally didn't like it bc the mushrooms were slimy, but the flavor was good and I knew it would be a good cooking soup over a meal type soup. So here we go!

Here's what you need: (all depends on how many you're serving)

1-2 can of Progresso GF Mushroom soup
Fresh green beans
1 large onion
1 medium onion
2 cups of 2% or higher milk (the original recipe I found for the fried onions was buttermilk, I used 2% and it worked just fine)
Oil to fry (I used soybean oil, but what ever oil you prefer should work
GF flour of your choice
Seasoning of choice in the flour
Some type of sifting device (a strainer could work too)
A decent working space and a few bowls!

Pre-heat oven to 375•

Okay do first off I cleaned, cut and boiled the green beans until they were just getting soft, a little more than blanching but roughly about 10 minutes or so. Set aside.
With the large onion Julianne style cut and set aside. Then with the medium onion dice then sauté for about 5 or 6 minutes, just past sweating.
Take the green beans and put them back into the pot you boiled them in, pour the soup and sautéed onions in and stir thoroughly. Dump the mixtures into a baking dish and bake for about 30 minutes uncovered.
If your green beans are still harder and you prefer them softer or you didn't boil them long enough then add about 10-15 minutes more baking time and you should be good to go.
While this is all cooking take your milk and put it in a bowl and let the onions soak in it for about 10 minutes. While this is happening pour a very generous amount of oil into a large/deep enough pan so your not getting sprayed with hot oil. It's probably about 3 1/2 cups of oil I used (Let it come to a good boil while your finishing up the onions)
Then have another bowl aside with the flour. Season and stir.
Take the onions that had been soaking in milk and transfer them into the flour, then sift and repeat.
Once the onions are already coated enough take them in groups and toss them into the oil until they start turning golden brown.
It happens really fast if your oil is hot enough so don't go anywhere! I used a large ladle to get the onions out but in theory a metal skimmer or fry basket would have worked tons better but whatever ;) use what you have to work with!
When taking them out of the oil I places then to dry on paper towels on a baking sheet. After they're dry and hardened after about 10-15 mins put them on top of your casserole and bake for the last 5-10 minutes of your total casserole time.

Hope this all made sense!! And tastes good for you too :)

M

Which casserole is the GF one?? Left or right?? If only you could taste :)

{GF} Turkey and ground pork chili

I made extra to freeze so this is a big batch for just 2 people, would feed probably about 5-6 comfortably.

1 lb ground turkey
1 lb ground pork sausage
2 med onions
2 green peppers
1 red pepper
2 jalapeños (more if you like it spicier!)
2 cans of diced tomatoes w/juice
2 cups vegetable stock or chicken broth
2 cans of black beans
1 can of kidney beans
1 can of cannelloni beans

Spices I used--
Pepper, salt, chili powder, garlic, cumin, paprika, crushed red pepper flakes, cilantro---season as you like!

Dice onions, peppers and jalapeños set aside. Place broth or stock in crockpot on high, brown meat and drain, add diced veggies and let them sweat for about 6 minutes. Drain beans and add them to the crockpot along with the diced tomatoes and juice. Season meat while still in stove (meat tastes better!) then add to crockpot and stir. Let it come to a boil for 3 hrs and them set to low for an hr stirring occasionally.

I put cheddar cheese and a dollop of Greek yogurt on top!
Easy to freeze too.

<3

To my family and friends:

I'm at a lose for words when it comes to people these days.
Family and friends are hard to come by and are something I don't understand and probably never will. But the difference between last year and this one is, I'm done. I'm done listening to excuses, lies, and I'm done competing thinking I'm not good enough. The difference is I am good enough and I've given many people the benefit of the doubt for far too long. I always do the right thing, I always put myself out there even for strangers and even tho I'm probably more lonely then I've ever been, it's absolutely not for the lack of trying. I think I've finally realized I've put too much effort into the wrong people over the years.
I barely have a mother, everyone around me is extremely selfish, and I'm tired of being walked all over.
I have gone through an unbelievable amount of medical stuff over the last few years, never had anyone by my side until my husband. No one cares the daily battles I have, no one asks me how I'm really doing, no one but him. I wish I was strong enough to change my number or delete my fb and start over. Because living with such anger and hurt inside isn't ok. But the people that cause my pain, don't care? So why the fuck should I?

Am I waiting in vain?

My husband asked me last night, "when are you going to stop going above and beyond for people that don't even do a thing for you in return?" My response was simply "because I figure eventually somewhere along the line, maybe I will have it returned to me one day, and if not then so be it."

Am I doing this all in vain for nothing? Or evetually will doing what I think is right in my heart pay off? I've been really lonely lately, and its fairly scary. I have my husband and my baby, truely all I need. But I have found after having the baby I am craving adult interaction (totally normal) but no matter where I turn, there's no one. Every one around me dropped off the face of the earth since I moved back from Portland. I don't think I've ever heard as many excuses as I have in the last year and a half. And quite frankly I'm so over it. I truly believe I deserve better. But yet when someone gives me an excuse or asks me to do something I always say yes, even if i'm seriously overextending myself.

My extended family has changed too. I know thats part of growing up, but everyone has changed. My grandma held us all together, and slowly but surely each year she was gone after passing, my family disappeared. I even asked my Aunt to lunch a few times, she never responds to me, but will to my dad and her response always "I'm busy."

I think from what I gather and what I've seen over the years is that growing up you only see certain things and eventually you see people for who and what they really are as an adult. The cruel cruel world 'we are sheltered from' as kids. Hah...if that were only true. I may have been sheltered a bit growing up, but I also saw too much and was handed too much as a kid. Some stuff that only a select few know, and although this seems to be quite discreet I'd be scared to write it out loud you know?

Sooner or later I may, because it could help someone out there.

Seriously??

Well as I maybe mentioned briefly in a previous post I have had issues with numbness in my entire right leg for on the upward of almost 2 years now (come the end of oct). After getting blown off my dr's I decided maybe looking into a chiropractor. I flip flopped with the idea and looked at the pile of medical bills were already paying on and held off. ( it had been a few weeks or so)
Well a week ago I went to the farmers market and there was a booth of a family chiropractic doctors and they asked my dad "would you like your spine checked?" he of course grunted no. We walked a few steps away and I said "why not now?" I handed him my son, turned around and asked if I could have mine checked.
Well after spending 10 minutes in this booth, they took a few pictures pulled it up on their medical program and found I was completely off balance and clearly needed work. He asked what issues I've been having and we talked about the difficulties I've had getting answers.
For starters it all began November of 2010. We were driving from Oregon to Minnesota to visit family on our way back to moving to Michigan. (I've always had back pain since a car accident in 2006, but since I had gone to the hospital and been checked out, I never thought anything of it)
The day before we got to Minnesota my back pain significantly worsened and now it was like someone drilled into the bone of my butt cheek and continued down my outer right thigh. It was so severe I sat on ice and limped the whole week we were there, the pain never letting up. I had just found out I was pregnant, however I was barely even 8 weeks and i was at a very healthy weight so there's truly no way it was the baby. I endured the pain for a few months until I couldn't take it anymore and around 5 months pregnant I began finding it harder and harder to work. I told my OBGYN about it and without any checking or searching they said "that sounds like sciatica, normal during pregnancy" well later that month I had to quit my job because the pain was so bad. I figured my expanding belly was taking a toll on my body clearly, or so I thought. during my pregnancy the pain turned into numbness and tingling. It got worse and worse. Some days I could barely pull myself out of bed my back and leg hurt so bad.
After having the baby in June of 2011, I asked the dr's If this would go away and they replied "with time it should go away, but some people suffer from sciatica for life." I honestly laughed to that because I'm sorry, my leg is completely numb to my foot and my back is killing me, and you're telling me I have to possibly live like this FOR LIFE? Yeah f-ing (pardon my French) right.
So I've gone back and fourth to the dr's since last year trying to get answers. The numbness hasn't subsided, the pain doesn't go away. I drive and my foot is barely even felt. I don't sleep more than 2 hours a night. I've lost all the baby weight, and then some more (thank you nursing!) and nothing? After over a year and a half nothing. The only thing the dr did was tell me it could be an IT band injury, which it wasn't. And sent me to Physical Therapy, which after $350 and 6 long weeks, 3 days a week, the numbness didn't subside. The pain never went away. I've been on a 8 month wait to see a neurologist and that appointment still isn't until Oct.8...(seriously ridiculous for someone in a lot if pain).
Well anyways back to this past week. I went to that same old dr for my sons 12 month check up and the dr asked how I was. I told him nothing had changed, the numbness was almost unbearable and finally, no joke after seeing him about 6 times and a MRI, blood clot test, a few other random non helpful tests later he said he wanted to refer me to a different dr. WTF kiss my ass. That's total bs. So I decided to go with my gut and go to the chiropractic office. At the farmers market if you signed up you would get there first time patient package that involved a nerve test, a series of X-rays, a spine evaluation and a foot evaluation. All about a $400 value for $30. Yup, check done and done. Why not?!
Well my X-rays not only showed how severely screwed up my back were, it showed my neck was messed up from my car accident and I had 7 bulging discs in my back from the top of my spine down to the end of it, among other things. At the end revealing degenerative disc disease.
I don't think I've ever been more relived in my life to know there was something absolutely wrong with me, and I wasn't crazy. They told me there is a perfect non-surgical treatment that in my case would take on the upwards of about a year. They also said if and when I follow up with the neurologist that they will suggest surgery, which isn't always the best idea. However all happiness comes with a price correct?
Well chiropractic care barely covered by insurance, and when I saw how much the treatment was/is. I welled up knowing very well this probably wasn't an option. So as I began my first treatment today, they said it would be 4 days a week for 7 weeks for the 1st phase, 2 days a week for 14 weeks, then 1 day a week for 28 weeks for the 3rd phase (maintenance phase). He said that there's a good chance I could skip after the 7 weeks into the 3rd phase but it all depended on how my body responds. All of the treatment is non-surgical, no pain meds, completely natural. Well guess what? Insurance doesn't cover natural. And this has me stressed out. Each treatment is $86.60 a pop (4 x a wk for 7 wks=$2400 roughly) with a discount it's $2100. So I asked the office manager how they do the payments and she said one lump some of the $2165 or the only other option would be to cut it in half in two payments over 7 weeks. Well that's just the first phase. Then I didn't even bother to ask about the 2nd and 3rd because from the looks of it, each phase is nearly $2-3000.
What am I supposed to do? I have a extremely rare chronic kidney disease, 2 auto immune diseases and now a disc disease, that if I don't resolve now, I could very well be in a wheelchair before I'm 50.
I don't work, because my old job didn't even cover daycare so were not going to go into debt paying for someone else to take care if our child and my husband has a good job, but at the end of the day, we still struggle to make ends meat some months, just like everyone else in America. Plus we pay so much money each month for health insurance but for what? We still get extremely high bills, deductibles etc that seem seriously never ending. Student loans and medical bills eat up every last extra dollar we even see.

I seriously don't know what to do anymore. I want my life back. I don't want to live in pain. Why is this happening to me constantly? Is there any other options? I thought about filing for disability today, something I'm still considering, but at the same time I feel like a giant failure. I could go work nights at a restaurant but I'll probably worsen my back let alone not be able to stand that long with my leg being numb. I'm honestly at an all time loss. It's 5:30 am and I've been up since 2 tossing and turning. At what point do I catch a break? I've stayed extremely positive for so long, but I'm beginning to feel very weak and defeated.

All I want is to scream for help, but there's nothing or no one to help. I'm trying to be strong for my family and myself. The only thing I feel I can do is call back the dr who had so many times dropped the ball and try to get a dr that is covered more by insurance and cancel my appointment with the chiropractor. I'm so angry I could cry. Well crying doesn't help, I've been doing that all night.

Reflections

Might be a little different than my usual posts, but you gotta get it out somewhere right?

Yesterday was a reminder of something I want but not sure I've ever had or ever will: A real best {girl} friend. Or even female family. Which was bittersweet, but it's ok.
I never had a ton of female presence in my life growing up besides my grandma. My mom was in and out of my life {by choice} from 11-19. The longest was from 14 1/2-18 yrs old. Pretty much when I think every girl needs her mom. Her mother wasn't in my life either for the last 14 years but is still alive and only in the last 7 months she's tried to reach out since the baby has been born.

Everyone else like my aunt, family or friends just have their own lives going on and really don't have time for anyone but themselves really :(

I always wonder why I was never a girl who had tons of girlfriends. But I will say it wasn't for the lack of trying. I was bullied most of my life, from at least 5th grade up until I finished high school early. Middle school wasn't too bad, but high school was nearly the death of me. It was awful.

It's cool watching all these bullying campaigns going on now a days...but shit! What happened to all these advocates when I needed them growing up?? Haha....

But there really are key events in my life where I've lost trust in having females in my life and it really just becomes clear why I have a hard time and after so many years without I'm almost just closed off to the idea I'll ever make new girlfriends.

The issue really is I always give people the benefit of the doubt and give 2,3 sometimes 5 chances before I cut people off (depending clearly on the situation). And every time I try again it's always something so I just stop. But lately I'm beginning to feel lonely. I hope I meet someone new and make newer friends soon.

Anyways tho!!!
Today was also a reminder that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all...
Someone commented on a photo of my almost 1 year old in reference to him still using a pacifier and it is someone in a touchy spot. Family, but family that barely have like anything to do with my family (husband, son and I).I don't want to say who, but it's a group of people pretty much....however I've always, always, always been so nice and always trying to get closer and be more of a family (since I lacked that growing up) and I just get shut out. Every. Single. Time. That and pretty much judged and throw some pretty harsh treatment on a consistent basis. I don't know why I try so hard sometimes, I really don't.

BUT (lots of but's in this entry..) if I wasn't always doing these things or being this person, I wouldn't be me. I don't always do the right thing bc that's what you should do. I do it because I want happiness and fulfillment from extended family and life in general. And I get my happiness I guess this way..

Since the last 24 hrs have been a bit of a time for reflecting I decided to make myself a promise: to continue using everyday as a learning experience to grow from, even if I'm just a spectator. Just a reminder I'd like to continue learning how to be a better me.

Homemade Peanut Butter

So as I was writing the last recipe I realized peanut butter is so easy to make at home just like applesauce! An everybody must have!

We started making our own when we lived in Oregon at whole foods or Fred Meyers. They had a section where you'd choose you nuts the put them through the machine with oil, and boom fresh peanut butter!

So I decided to start making my own from home once I was having a hard time finding true GF peanut butter I could eat. And it was amazing!! I used it for a GF peanut butter cookie that was just to die for! (I'll have to post that too!)


Ingredients
15 ounces shelled and roasted peanuts or of your choice. (I've used honey roasted which was good too!)

1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 1/2 teaspoons honey
1 1/2 tablespoons peanut oil or vegetable oil

Directions
Place the peanuts, salt and honey into the bowl of a food processor. Process for 1 minute. Scrape down the sides of the bowl. Place the lid back on and continue to process while slowly drizzling in the oil and process until the mixture is smooth, 1 1/2 to 2 minutes. Place the peanut butter in an airtight container and store in the refrigerator for up to 2 months.

Yummm!! No junk added!

Homemade applesauce

I don't know if many people make this at home, but I do know they should! Applesauce is SOOO easy to make at home and tastes so delicious fresh. I started making mine when I began making all of the baby's food, but kept it up for all of us. It has nothing but apples, water and cinnamon in it. As good as it gets no junk or sugar added!

For a smaller batch I use 3-4 (for a bigger use 6-7) apples of choice. I love using Golden Delicious! Cut and dice up in smaller chunks, Add the dices and a finger tip width of water in a sauté pan. Sauté for about 15 minutes, add a dash or two of cinnamon while cooking and stir.

Pour sautéed apples and leftover water in food processor or blender and blend! You can pulsate for chunky or purée for smooth!

Presto! Yummy right???

GF buffalo chicken pizza

Yummm!! Buffalo chicken and purple onion pizza. Spicy and delicious!

Crust
-I made the pizza crust with Bob's Redmill Gluten Free Pizza dough mix. The package makes two 12' pizzas or one 18 inch pizza. I made it in an actual pizza pressure cooker type machine we just got! Only had to cook it once with all the toppings for 14 minutes.

Sauce
-1/3 cup Franks original redhot and 1/4 franks buffalo redhot

-Grill chicken, then sauté up in the Frank's sauce on the stove.

After making the crust, spread it out on the pizza maker (or oven pizza pan), add chicken and sauce, chopped purple onion, reduced fat mozzarella cheese (as much as you desire).Then cook for about 14 minutes.

*If your using a traditional oven refer to the back of the Redmill's bag :) You have to bake it without toppings for 7-8 minutes then again with topping for 18-25 minutes.

*NOTE: If you've never made GF pizza crust at home make sure when spreading it on the pan or pizza maker use water on a spatula to spread the crust. Or else it sticks like glue and is super difficult to work with. As you can tell I learned through trial and error ;)

This tasted better and more like "real" pizza crust then some places now serving GF pizza crust, which seems to be super fluffy and moist.

Gluten Free Penne!

Yummm, Yummm, Yummm!!! Last nights dinner: Trader joes brown rice penne pasta and my homemade pasta sauce from my previous post! Tasted so good and the hubs didn't even taste a difference! Cooking has always been a love in the last few years and learning new ways to cook can be challenging BUT I've had a lot of support from my family, especially my cousin Katie (our dads are identical twins so were genetically half the same and god does it show!!) Check out her awesome blog! http://livehalffull.wordpress.com/

<3

Just want to get better..

So lately I've been a little down about my progress. I've been waiting a month now to get into the GI dr to get a biopsy done for this whole Celiac stuff. Well it's finally here today! As much as I don't want to get scoped again I'm looking forward to getting answers. Because I still feel a bit crappy even going off of gluten. I still have horrible tummy aches all the time. But as much as that's still there, the nausea and throwing up has stopped....soooo that is a plus!! I have feeling sick like that!

When I originally went to the dr's for the stuff that had been going on I had a few concerns: my tummy and constant nausea issues (later to be determined as celiac) and a major issue I feel my right leg is numb 85% of the day. It starts at my hip, down my thigh and goes to my foot. No matter what I do it seems to be a constant problem. I've had an MRI of my spine and brain done (to test for MS) a Venus Doppler (to check for a blood clot) and an exam by my dr. He made me do physical therapy for 5 weeks which they found there I had an upslip in my pelvis and it was raised, along with my foot about 3 whole inches higher then my left leg. When they finally popped it back in place I was hoping that would be the cure all for the numbness and tingling in my right side.
I have had no progress in the last 18 months and it's killing me. It keeps me up at night, it hurts to drive and I can't sit for too long without my right side going completely numb and tingly :(

The worst part my new dr (I wanted a second opinion) thinks I need to see a neurologist to clear if it is MS or not, and to simply get to the bottom of it all. I went back to my old dr (confusing I know) bc I couldn't get into my new dr for 3WEEKS and he didn't even try to hear me out just said it sounded like I had a i.t band injury gave me some exercises and still nothing. Oh plus getting into the neurologist they want me to see......6 MONTHS. Seriously 6 f-ing months. Pardon my French but that is so messed up. I'm in pain daily and it's really affecting my everyday life.
Soo yeah I'm hoping more progress is made in the upcoming months bc I'm not too sure how long I can't put up with the pain. But on a positive note I've pushed through the pain to start working out everyday again and that has been helping my depressive moods (compliments of my auto immune and thyroid diseases!) I'm determined to take control of that part of my life again so I can feel better about how rough I feel on the outside, especially running after my cutie patootie :D


Till next time! stay positive!
<3

Baby "fake out" Mac N cheese

So I made a yummy baby food yesterday for Cj and I have to say it tastes delish! Totally going to do this for the next few years or until he notices :)
I got it out of a cookbook then altered it little like any time I follow recipes :)
You use small pasta stars which I found in the ethnic area of the grocery store, you only have to boil a few tables spoons of those.
For the sauce I sautéed about 6 cherry tomatoes (seeded, skinned and diced) w/ a teaspoon of butter and 1 cup of steamed carrots, 1/3 cup of cheese puréed together. Then mix with the cooked pasta stars! He LOVED it! I really enjoy making all his baby food and watching him explore and be open to all kinds new foods. It's so rewarding to me. It even got me on a kick of how I could develop a line of homemade baby food! Far fetched BUT who knows what the future holds :)

The last two weeks

So it's been about 2 weeks since the Dr called with all the results..still have to wait another 2 weeks for my GI appointment so I can get scoped (fun...not!!) and I can find out about having a biopsy of my small intestines. This also does not sound fun!! But whatever needs to happen so I can get better is fine. I've been through way worse!
Also they can't clear that I don't have MS yet :( I have to see a neurologist and guess what?! The wait for an appointment for a new patient is 6 MONTHS!!!!!!!!!! That frustrates me beyond anything. My hands are weak, my legs have gotten weaker and the numbness and tingling is somewhat unbearable some days.
Now that I'm 95% GF I was hoping to say I was feeling better, but I'm not. Even on the days I have not touched gluten I still get super nauseous, light headed, bad stomach aches and lots of other fun stuff ;)
One thing I noticed too...going out SUCKS!! I find it hard to go and eat anywhere bc no matter how many times I look at labels or read a menu I get discouraged thinking what if it's in there??! Then it makes me miss living in Portland...there was TONS of places that had GF menus. Oh well! Adjustments take time I know. Out of all my health issues tho, I will say this one was the hardest to swallow.
If it wasn't for this sweet innocent baby boy sleeping in my arms and my strong husband I'm not sure where I'd be. It's weird to think about..there was a long time in my life where I never saw marriage and kids in my future. And I knew that all changed when I met my husband. Now I couldn't picture myself any other way. Nothing could ever make me want to be anywhere else in life then with my boys :)

<3

GF ground turkey lasagna

Sooo last night was a success! I did my take on lasagna with GF rice noodles. I made my signature homemade pasta sauce then added artichoke and spinach. Yummy! I was so glad it didn't taste sweet like the rice elbow pasta did because I was hoping to find some alternitives for the hubby and I that he could actually say he likes and mean it :)

Soooo here it goes...

Ingredients:
Sauce: 32 oz can of Plum tom (I use a potato masher to mash them up) 12 oz can of tom paste, 1 cup of chicken broth or stock, 1/2-1 onion diced (depends on your preference) 2 carrot stalks finely diced, 1 lb ground turkey.

Lasanga: I used GF De Boles rice no bake pasta (you can use any no bake lasanga noodle!) 1 Cup Spinach, 1/2 can of Artichoke, roughly 20 oz of Skim low fat Ricotta cheese and a bag of low fat Mozzarella or parm cheese.

Sauce: Brown the ground turkey-drain, add diced onion and carrots saute with fresh garlic for about 7-10 minutes or until you see the onions and carrots start to sweat. I like to pre-season the meat rather than the sauce bc it tends to give more flavor, so I season the meat while the onions and carrots are softening. I like to use fresh garlic, basil, parsely, rosemary, thyme, fennel, kosher salt and pepper. Add plum toms (add all the juice too) and paste, chicken stock and stir I let this come to a boil and simmer on low for about 25-30 minutes. It may seem like a lot of sauce but at the end of everything you most likely won't have any left or you'll have a little to use on top!
Pre-heat oven to 375*

While waiting for the sauce I take the ricotta cheese put in a bowl the mix with the artichoke and lightly season it.
After the sauce is ready I take a Lasagna pan, spray with pam and the put a spoonful of sauce in bottom then layer with the noodles, cheese, sauce and spinach leaves, repeat!

Cover bake for about an hour! I usually check it at about 30 minutes bc every noodle seems different. I take the foil off for the last 10-15 minutes or so :)

Hope you like <3

Ore-Oh-No's!

Well yesterday consisted of two things- First, finding that Ortega makes GF taco shells!!! Big hurray on that because tacos just happen to be my favorite food :) The first thing my husband said when I told him about the call from the dr's about the Celiac was "you can't eat Mexican food anymore can you?!??" I was kinda miffed at first because I hadn't even thought of that yet. But after thinking and letting it sink in I got kinda sad because I just love so many different foods. I love trying new things and exploring and now I can't!
I was glad to see there ARE Gluten free options, just might not be out at most restaurants, yet.... I made these last night. Turkey, spinach and avocado GF tacos. So delish!
And then secondly, after being GF for about 2 days I caved and ate the rest of the Oreos in our pantry :( I figured if the GI dr can't see me for a month and they expect me to go completely off Gluten then I wanted to go out with a bang.... Well I paid the price! I spent the morning hurling my guts out. Hahaha.
True story...that is all that was left. One crumb. Oh well!

So.....
High point---GF TACOS!!!
Low point---Ore-oh-no no's!!! :)

Can't wait to go grocery shopping on Friday so I have more options here. This week has been a HUGE adjustment. But I'm learning a lot about new food and I'm eager to start trying new things.

Happy Thursday! It's almost the weekend :)

<3

Yummy! GF baby food :)

As most people in my personal life know, I make my own baby food for Cj. I try to make it all Organic too. Today I let him in on the whole "Gluten Free" train by making him brown rice peach pudding! I bake the peaches and mix with the brown rice and spice with cinnamon, nutmeg and cardamom.

Yummmy!!! He loved it :)

Is this real life?!

   When I was 2, I was diagnosed with a rare Kidney and Liver disease, Primary Hyperoxilosis. When I was 23 I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. Now 26, on Monday I was diagnosed with Celiac disease. All common factors in these diagnosises, it was a fight for simple tests to get answers. My family spent nearly two years traveling back in forth from Michigan and Colorado trying to get answers on why I was so sick as a child. Which after it was discovered I went through renal failure twice, and spent ages 3-10 on and off donor lists for a new kidney and a new liver and came close to death 2 times which one of I remember very, very clearly. I remember a lot of my childhood vividly because of my time spent battling this disease in and out of a long hospital stays, some months long. I also personally spent 3 LONG  years and went thru 7 Doctors trying to figure out what was wrong with me, only to find after being blown off by one Doctor after another that I had stage 0-1 tumors growing on my thyroid that were blocking my airway that ended up in a rather critical surgery in May of 2010. 
Being an adult at the time and having just met my husband, being nearly 3,000 miles from home, being in scary state of health, all alone just being told you have to go through 15-18 rounds of radiation is not fun. In fact the 2 years leading up to my dx my day to day became very scary. When my neck flare ups would happen (good antibodies attacking good antibodies) I passed out from lack of air multiple times a week. Then the flare ups came more and more often and the symptoms became more and more worse. And I'd get to the point where I felt like someone was physically strangling me. Those flare ups lasted hours long and started happening a few times a day the last 4-5 months.
At the time I was in a non-drop out/refund type of school program while we were waiting for our insurance to cover the surgery (I was in a waiting period for pre term conditions, that weren't covered yet :/ ) and I kid you not I have no idea how I graduated on time and with a 3.6. No idea till this day. 09 and 10 were some of the hardest days of my life and my husband was the ONLY person who saw what my day to day was like. And it wasn't good. Not what you expect your first year of marriage to be like.
And lastly the last 18 months (9 of which I carried a baby) I spent in and out of Doctors offices trying to understand what was wrong, only to switch Dr's for a "second opinion" and have a simple blood test show results. I spent every day from 6 weeks post natal to my son being 10 months old throwing up and in a level 10 abdominal pain to which I kid you not made me want to give up. During this same time I've be seeing dr's for numbness throughout my body that is very painful, that yet to have answers.
   Each and every one of these times in my life I have been told things that I didn't want to hear. "You only have until you're 8 to live," after 8 passed slowly after surgeries and months long hospital stays, then 15. I've been told i wouldn't make it to 30 without kidney failure and or transplants (still waiting), "You have cancerous cells on these tumors which I can't tell you how bad it is bc your biopsy and blood tests are giving us two answers. Either way regrowth can occur during the flare ups which could turn into Lymphoma at any point as long as you live." "You can not eat Gluten ever again or else it could kill you over time, cause cancer, osteoporosis or even worse" I'm at the point in life where what ever happens happens, but I can't help but ask myself everyday, "Why me?" These diseases will effect me till the day I die, every one is uncurable. There is something I go through every day with these health problems. Between the mass amount of medications, awful side effects and money that is spent on medical bills each month and year it leaves me drained some days. BUT I am here to say you can get through it, the battles inside you. It just takes a lot of blind positivity. I say blind because whatever the unknown is, whatever is meant to happen to you is going to happen regardless, so why not make the most of what you have and live everyday in happiness. You can not control the unknown. This is the one piece of advice I carry with me everyday.So with that, you also can not live in fear. The next thing that keeps me going (besides my loving husband and sweet baby boy) is that no matter how hard your life can be, no matter what YOU'RE going through, someone else always has it WORSE. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I have my bad days, but just know no matter how much you can hurt and how rough some days can feel, there is someone in a wheelchair, blind, crippled, dying, homeless, etc etc the list could go on that have it worse than you. Oh and lastly---laugh! A sense of humor is key to staying positive. I can't tell you in how many of these situations when they have told me bad news I told jokes and laughed in between to keep moral up. My husband was sitting there after my oncologist told me "when I cut you open then I'll know how bad it is" and he of course didn't think I was funny in fact he just cried that day (for a few different reasons), but it sure lightened the mood. I've always been a goof and a smiley person, which is why unless it's known most people don't know how to react when they find out what I deal with everyday, because I don't show the struggles outside of closed doors.
   So I guess this is a bit of my intro. My background. I'm frustrated and sometimes angry inside, but I've always stayed positive (until the past year) I feel along with my health problems and struggles I have also had my share of life experience that I think at this point maybe I can help someone out there with their battles.      
   Maybe in some of my posts when I dig deeper into the struggles and symptoms leading up to my diagnosises, it could reach out to someone else who could be searching for answers to. So with all that said, it was nice to vent this little bit out. I like writing, I always have and I think this is a good start for me making some difference out there one post at a time.
So here's to this new chapter learning how to live and cook without Gluten! Yikes.....:) (the last few days have been rough getting off of it since Gluten is in EVERYTHING and is pretty alarming!)

<3

Here's my "new" rice pasta Mac N' Cheese. I put a little parmesan and hot sauce in it to make it more tasty. The rice pasta is sweeter tasting so adding the two makes it more of a savory taste!