My husband asked me last night, "when are you going to stop going above and beyond for people that don't even do a thing for you in return?" My response was simply "because I figure eventually somewhere along the line, maybe I will have it returned to me one day, and if not then so be it."
Am I doing this all in vain for nothing? Or evetually will doing what I think is right in my heart pay off? I've been really lonely lately, and its fairly scary. I have my husband and my baby, truely all I need. But I have found after having the baby I am craving adult interaction (totally normal) but no matter where I turn, there's no one. Every one around me dropped off the face of the earth since I moved back from Portland. I don't think I've ever heard as many excuses as I have in the last year and a half. And quite frankly I'm so over it. I truly believe I deserve better. But yet when someone gives me an excuse or asks me to do something I always say yes, even if i'm seriously overextending myself.
My extended family has changed too. I know thats part of growing up, but everyone has changed. My grandma held us all together, and slowly but surely each year she was gone after passing, my family disappeared. I even asked my Aunt to lunch a few times, she never responds to me, but will to my dad and her response always "I'm busy."
I think from what I gather and what I've seen over the years is that growing up you only see certain things and eventually you see people for who and what they really are as an adult. The cruel cruel world 'we are sheltered from' as kids. Hah...if that were only true. I may have been sheltered a bit growing up, but I also saw too much and was handed too much as a kid. Some stuff that only a select few know, and although this seems to be quite discreet I'd be scared to write it out loud you know?
Sooner or later I may, because it could help someone out there.
