About 3 weeks ago I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. It's been quite a pill to swallow with everything else I have to deal with medically. And quite frankly I have little to no support during this time.
Sometimes I should pat myself on the back for the things I've gone through and continue to go through daily. But I don't. Instead the lack support has put me in a downward spiral of anger and sadness. I'm so tired of friends and family only coming to me about them especially when I'm suffering so badly. No one listens, everyone compares and in the end all the conversations are about them. And bc I don't bring what I'm going through up its my fault.
I guess sometimes I want people to know me well enough to push through me saying "oh I'm fine" or my constant smile. Because truly I'm not smiling on the inside and I feel like I'm wasting my days lately. And truthfully life is seriously to short to feel like this. I feel helpless. I'm tired of people only saying "I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this."
I liked it back in the day when people gave a damn. I liked it when I had friends and family that cared. I liked it better when people cared more about people not only about their job or money. Being an adult sometimes is shitty. But at the same time there's barely a time I'd rather go back to because my life has seriously been so messed up.
I wish I could make my health problems disappear. I wish I wasn't in physical pain constantly. I wish I was not letting my cards I've been dealt dictate who I am inside. Ugh....
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